Well, that’s not exactly true, I actually really enjoy the sunshine. However this rainy weather made me think of Shirley Manson’s song, and while I am sitting here reminiscing about my youth this throw back to 1996 seems quite appropriate.
So I had this whole plan to write two blog posts a week throughout the month of February in order to prepare my fledgling blog for my debut in the third issue of Bella Grace. That didn’t go exactly as planned, and finding myself unable to write left me in a dark place. There is a lot I need to say, but the words have failed me.
I am an exceptionally slow thinker, and sometimes it just takes me a little bit longer to digest things before I am able to put them down on pen and paper. But today, I woke up to the sound of rain and armed with a cup of coffee and Manson’s song on repeat, I finally felt compelled to write.
So where do I start?
I left my position at Stampington & Company two weeks ago, and I thought I would have more to write about concerning the experience, the after thoughts, the regrets and the hopes for the future. However, I haven’t really made my peace with it yet. There’s going to be so much movement in the next two months that I don’t really have time to consider what’s happened or what’s going to happen. I feel sort of stuck in a place of high emotion.
Currently, I am waiting for my boyfriend to quit his job and for us to be released from our lease here in Irvine, California. After that, Nathan my boyfriend, is heading to Australia to visit his family and I am going to Guatemala to visit mine. A month later, when we’re reunited, we’re hoping to get some traveling done, and then return to Santa Barbara — my home town, where we might end up settling.
It’s really a lot to think about. All these plans for the future are really just up in the air. Who knows if they’ll happen or not? Meanwhile, there’s a concoction of emotions inside of me that is one part excitement, one part anxiety, and many more parts love. Love for family, love for Nathan, love for art, and love for myself.
It was love for myself and love art that lead me to leave Stampington. I simply needed more time to work on my own projects. It’s love for Nathan that’s making me look to the rest of the world as a playground for self-exploration. And as always, it’s love for family that will call me back home to Santa Barbara the place where I belong.
That’s about it for now — the rain stopped and with it my will to write is gone. I want to expand on some of these plans, and I definitely want to share some of my creations. I actually kept up with my promise to push myself to be creative every day until my birthday, which is actually only seven days away on March 9th. It will be a lot of fun to have some project posts up as opposed to these dense and emotional ramblings!